Happy Birthday

Today would have been Audrey's 15th birthday. In memory of my little girl....

In Memory of Audrey

Today marks the one year anniversary of Audrey's passing. I can't believe it has been an entire year. I still miss her so much and I think about her every single day......

The Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Alter Egos

Lately I've been noticing how very much Little Edie reminds me of my dearly departed cat, Audrey. I know you are thinking "Girl.....we've seen a lot of cooky stuff on this blog. You done lost your damn mind this time." I know it sounds crazy but hear me out.....

Audrey was a very special cat. She was a soulmate pet. We were very in tune with each other. Just a certain look or a sound and she would react to me. She was always in my lap. Inseparable we were. In the five months that I've had Little Edie I have noticed all these little Audrey-isms. I keep thinking to myself.....hmmmm....isn't that funny?? Now mind you, Jake lived with Audrey for 12 years. You would think he would have picked up on some of her traits after all that time. Nope. Not a one. But Little Edie came along and just practically filled her little shoes....

When I put my makeup on, Audrey used to jump up and sit behind me on the chair. She would watch intensely and sometimes I would pretend to put a little blush on her and she would just look at me with that cute face, purring very loudly and let out a little meow. Now Little Edie does the same thing (minus the meow.....she wags her tail).

When I lay on the couch, on my back, to watch tv Audrey used to love to lie in my lap with her front legs stretched all the way out almost touching my ankles and her back legs curled under and resting on my stomach. Now Little Edie does the same thing. And I mean, the same thing. Exact same position.

When I lay on the couch, on my stomach, to watch tv Audrey used to lay curled up on top of my thighs just under my butt. Now Little Edie does the same thing.

Audrey used to sleep under the covers right smack in the middle of the bed in the little dip where the two mattresses meet. I always wondered how the heck she could breathe under all the covers. Now Little Edie does the same thing.

Audrey was always in my lap. When I laid in bed, watched tv or was at the computer. Now Little Edie does the same thing.

When I talk on the phone with my mom, Audrey would start to climb all over me, trying to get my attention. I would put the phone to her ear and my mom would talk to her. Audrey would talk back. Now Little Edie does the same thing (Edie also brings me her toys to try to get my attention).

Audrey loved to go outside. She would lie on the sofa and put her head up with her eyes closed and bask in the sun. She would sniff intensely and whip her head around quickly when a bird went by. Now Little Edie does the same thing. (Hence, the photos.)

Audrey loved her pink Juicy bed. Little Edie inherited it (the reversible cover came in handy). Now Little Edie loves it too.

Audrey ruled the house. Jake had no say. Now Little Edie does too.

Audrey was a great little watch cat. She would stand up on her back legs and growl whenever she heard a sound at the front or back door. Now Little Edie does the same thing.

Audrey had this cute little delicate face with her little black button nose. Little Edie has the same cute little delicate face with her little black button nose.

I only have to look at Little Edie and she reacts. She barks, talks and wags her tail. She dances. Just like Audrey used to. Minus the barking - Audrey would swish the end of her tail, meow and purr.

I was Audrey's whole world. Now I am Little Edie's whole world. I thought Audrey and I were so lucky to have each other. Now I think the same of Little Edie and me.

My Little Audrey

When I knew Audrey wasn't going to make it I started to think about what I would do with her 'after'. I dreaded the thought. I kept thinking 'what would she want'? I could have buried her but I don't have a backyard. Just a brick patio. I could have torn up the brick and put her there but ugghhh, what a pain. I could have buried her at my parents house in their backyard along with our four other family dogs and my hamster. Wait....she wouldn't have wanted that. She would want to be close to me. For a moment I considered taxidermy. I could have her frozen in time forever and I could pet her and look at her whenever I wanted. What would Jake make of that? Creepy, I decided. Anyone visiting my home would think I was nuts.

I could not just leave her at the vet. I wanted her with me. A friend suggested cremation. That was the only other option. The vet took care of all of the arrangements. Off she went and in about 10 days I received a box. Inside the box was a little can wrapped in yellow paper. There was a round sticker on the top of the can that said "In Memory of _______. " Audrey's name was written in blue ink on the line. The can was inside a blue velvet bag with a rope tie and engraved on the front in yellow lettering it said "Until we meet again at the Rainbow Bridge."

I put it on my nightstand so she could be close to me every night when I slept. I put one of my favorite pictures of her next to it. I shook the can and wondered what was in it? How did it look? Was it really her? Did a can of ashes really have any meaning? Sometimes I would watch tv and hold it in my lap and talk to her. A couple of nights when I missed her really bad I cried myself to sleep holding it. I would wake up in the morning and it would be laying on the bed next to me.

This summer while I was in Italy I wanted to buy a better 'home' for her remains. I found this great little urn at one of my favorite shops. When I brought it home, I had a little ceremony one night so I could transfer 'the remains'. I nervously opened the can for the first time not quite knowing what to expect. I heard that there would be little bits of bone and teeth in there. It seemed like it when I shook the can. When I finally opened it, the can was about 1/3 of the way full. Just a mound of light grey ashes. No significant smell. No bone bits or teeth. Nothing that reminded me of her in any way. Strange, I thought. This is all that's left. Such a beautiful, vibrant little girl. Now just a mound of grey ash.

I carefully transferred her ashes to the urn and put the can away in a box with all of her other things. Now she sits on my nightstand and I look at her every night before I go to sleep. I can't say that I feel like she is in there. I feel her spirit in my home much more than I feel that she is in that urn. I'm glad I made that choice though. At least from a significance point of view I have her with me. She would have wanted that so I think I gave her her wish. I still miss her so much.

Christmas without Audrey

This is my first Christmas without Audrey. Here we are on our first Christmas together thirteen years ago. She was just a baby. I had only had her about a month. Look at how little she was next to the poinsettia plant! I have a little tree that I decorate every year for the cats and I keep it in the bedroom. There are little ornaments on it with their pictures. I was sad this year when I put up the little tree and I saw this picture of Audrey on her ornament.

Audrey loved Christmas. The tree, the flashing lights, the ornaments, all the presents, bows, ribbons. One year she barfed right on my moms present and I had to rewrap the whole thing. I got smart later and learned to get a smaller tree that I would put in a tall planter up high so she couldn't get to it.

Audrey only had two Christmas' with me in our new house. She loved it here. She would stare at the fire in the fireplace and lounge on the couch or in her pink bed. When I'd have company over, I'd put her and Jake safely away in he bedroom so they wouldn't be scared. Audrey would always come out towards the end and sit with us. She was really starting to come out of her shell.......

You Have to Hear it to Believe It.....

Remember I mentioned that Audrey and Frank used to talk on the phone? Here is a voice mail message of one of their conversations that I had saved.......

Anyone care to translate???!

Miss Audrey Hepburn

Press play to enjoy our song while you watch the slideshow...

The time seems right now to introduce you to Audrey. Audrey was my beautiful cat, and Jake's sister, who died of breast cancer in June. This October she would have been 13. I got Audrey when she was just a tiny little thing. I never had cats before. I thought they were boring. My whole life, I had only had dogs. I was actually terribly allergic to cats. During a difficult time in my life a co-worker of mine told me. "You need a cat!" I told her she was crazy but one evening I found myself defiant but curious driving over to her house. There was the little kitten that would become my Audrey. Her neighbor had the cat that gave birth to this beautiful kitten. She was the last one of the litter. My friend picked her up and put her on my chest. Audrey dug her nails in and became like a brooch on my sweater! We both agreed she was so beautiful and had such an elegance to her. I was still fighting it but then I found myself trying to come up with a name. I was thinking of elegant women......Jackie O, Elizabeth Taylor, Audrey Hepburn. Hmmm......Audrey..... Then suddenly my friend said "How about Audrey?" and that was it! Something told me this was meant to be. Before I knew it I was driving home with little Audrey in a little cardboard box with a baggie full of litter and a baggie full of food. I had NO idea how to take care of a cat. Worse, I lived in an apartment at the time with a NO PETS rule! I was going to have to sneak her in!!

Audrey became one of those pets that you totally over-bond to. She was my soul mate. We were so in tune with each other. Just one look and she knew what I was thinking. I would only have to make the slightest sound for her to appear or react. She was so vocal and was always talking to me. She loved to talk on the phone to my mother! Trust me on that one - my mother and I used to get the biggest kick out of it. She and Frank used to talk on the phone with each other too!! God only knows what they were saying! She made me laugh. She protected me. She lived for me.

I never let Audrey outside. She was clean, vibrant and healthy with glowing eyes and a shiny coat. I fed her well and she never had a sick day in her life. She was always in my lap. She slept on my head or at my side. I always believed that she would be one of those cats that would live to be 20. Imagine my shock one day when I was petting her and found a lump on her belly. By the time that lump made itself known, the cancer had already spread. There was nothing that could be done. Three months later she was gone.

Those three months before she left me were torture. I cried buckets. I couldn't work. I couldn't eat or sleep. I spent every moment I could with her...holding her....talking to her. Telling her how much I loved her. Everything that had been off limits was now totally available to her. She slept in the linen closet, in my closet, she went outside, she laid on the patio sofa and basked in the sun. She ate fancy feast, tuna, turkey, chicken, sliced lunch meats, baby food and pounds of treats. She had been my siamese twin and my best friend for almost 13 years. She went through some of the biggest changes in my life with me; the good and the bad. We were a team. How was I going to exist without her?

The hardest part of owning a pet is that their time on this earth with us is so short and knowing that one day, long before we think we will ever be ready, they will leave us. And that sometimes we are the ones that have to make that final decision for both of us. No pet will ever replace Audrey. She was one in a million. The loss of her presence in my home is still palpable. The good that came of it was that it allowed me the opportunity to rescue another animal and start the cycle all over again. If it wasn't for Audrey, I wouldn't have Edie. And another chapter in my life begins.....